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Jesus fucking tap dancing Christ in a chorus line of cancan hamsters,
has it come to this? Auditions for wavers? Seriously? Those poor saps
you see freezing their asses off on the street in the dead of winter as
they wave like idiots to motorists in Statue of Liberty and gorilla
costumes while making minimum wage? Those guys had to actually pass
auditions and undergo drug screenings?!
Do I have what it
takes, folks? I mean, I may be a bit rusty. I haven't waved since
Election Night when I bid a not-so-fond adieu to Mitt and Ann Romney and
many 86'd Republicans. Break a leg, kids. Ziegfeld's out there.
I mean, seriously, folks, I've gotten in cabs where the driver needed both a GPS and
verbal instructions to get me a mile and a half across my small town.
I've gotten countless fast food and coffee orders fucked up by people
for whom English is a third language at best. I've met nurses who didn't
know what a BUN is. And we elect to Congress and the presidency six
figure-a-year idiots who don't know basic shit that your average 10th
grade civics student would be expected to know.
someone with ISO 9001 training as a quality inspector, someone with
retail management experience and someone who in the military used
multimillion dollar machinery and equipment, can't get a job cleaning up
dog shit at a kennel, when I have experience doing just that
and people have to audition and suffer through humiliating background
checks and drug screenings just to flop their wrists at random strangers
for minimum wage? Seriously???
Pull chain, repeat as
necessary until western civilization finally circles the porcelain and
meets the galactic sewer system.