I might as well come out and admit it: There was a semester when I was in college when I had sex with a number of different men. It wasn't some great feminist act of defiance against conventionality, it was nothing that noble. It was a cynical calculation that "If that's the way the game is played, that's how I'll play it" combined with an even more cynical "If I let you fuck me, will you shut up and leave me alone?" "Saving it" for someone who back then I figured wouldn't be much different from these clowns seemed like a silly thing to do. If I was attracted to someone, I did it because there seemed no compelling reason not to. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not ashamed of it either. It's something I did, I was lucky enough and smart enough to protect myself against STDs and pregnancy, and I was lucky in that I did this at a different college than the one I attended. A friend of mine did the same thing at our school and got such a "reputation" (and yes, in 1973 they did use that word) that she ended up dropping out of school. When I got a "reputation", I was able to just stop going to parties at that school. The next year I met a guy whom I dated throughout the rest of college, I went on with my life, dated until I met the guy I married, got married, built my career, and was none the worse for wear.
The thing that struck me most, even while all this was going on almost thirty years ago, was what I even then called "The Double Standard After the Fact." It goes like this: A guy would pester you incessantly to go to bed with him, and after you did, he dropped you because if you did it with him, it meant you'd do it with anyone. That this kind of sentiment devalued the men who had it never seemed to enter their minds. It never occurred to them that you bedded them because you found them irresistable, or interesting, or because you thought they had gorgeous eyes. They thought you'd fuck anything that moved. It really wasn't until a few years later, after I ran into the same thing while dating, that I realized that this sentiment said more about how small these men felt about themselves than it said about me.
I've been thinking about the Double Standard After the Fact this week as the heinous Virginia Let The State Stick A Probe In You For Punishment bill has wound its way towards almost certain signature by that grinning sack of shit Bob McDonnell, who thinks that the All Your Vaginas Are Belong To Us sentiment that this represents is a sure win among the mindless, grinning half-human wreckage that supports the GOP these days. The reaction to the perfectly sane outrage over women being forced to submit to state-sponsored penetration as punishment for daring to not wanting to carry a parasite to term has been very telling.
Here's CNN correspondent and piece of human detritus Dana Loesch:
"...they had no problem having similar to a trans-vaginal procedure when they engaged in the act that resulted in their pregnancy."
Got that? Bet you didn't know that if you ever had consensual sex even once in your life, you were consenting to having anyone, including the State, put anything they want to into your vagina whenever they want to. If you ARE ever raped and you've ever had sex (presumably the "sodomized virgin" exception still holds in these people's minds), good luck getting it prosecuted if this is the kind of society in which we're going to be living.
New York weatherman Tex Antoine was fired from Eyewitness News in 1976 for "quipping" after a report about the rape of a five-year-old girl, "With rape so predominant in the news lately, it is well to remember the words of Confucius: 'If rape is inevitable, lie back and enjoy it.'" Today he'd be hired by Andrew Breitbart and have his own show on Fox News.
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