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Monday, February 08, 2010

Momentos From the Edge

A shit wagon of merry has been made by liberal moonbats about the non-issue of Sarah Palin writing on her hand during the Tea Party convention at the Grand Ole Opry (according to some inside sources, the amorphous blobs read "energy", "tax cuts", "shit first then wind watch" and "lift American spirits". Since they were smudged it may help explain the ex-Governor's creative reinterpretation of the English language).

And dissident leftists such as KagroX was making endless, disrespectful references about the interlineated and cross-hatched gubernatorial hand on Twitter, making crude jokes such as "Written on Sarah Palin's elbow: Not ass."

OK, that was funny but that's all I'll grant him. And now pinko Communist conspiracy theorists will be making fresh folly over the picture below taken of Ms. Palin at a Rick Perry rally:

Word has it that Fox News is furiously trying to prove the words "Hi Mom" on Palin's palm is Photoshopped by d r i f t g l a s s, Alicia Morgan or TheDoodAbides or any other marginally-talented left winger with a Photoshop program. Word has it that Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes have personally approached NASA and their scientist machine/computer thingies to prove the family-oriented Palin does not, indeed, need to be reminded to say Hello to her Mom or anyone's Mom in her improbable, murky and coy march to the White House.

And how is this in any way a scandal, as that conservative worthy, the Gateway Pundit asks, compared to Barack Obama, a man who has slavishly used teleprompters as had every president going back to Lyndon B. Johnson, an invention that's only been around since the 1950's?

Indeed, why shouldn't the former First Lady of the Klondike be allowed to festoon her shapely form with tattoos in a manner akin to Guy Pearce in Momento, a man who, like Gov. Palin, also suffered from short-term memory loss and needed to be told by his forgotten selves what to do, who to trust, when to shave his thighs, whom to kill, etc.?

And, really, would that be such a bad idea, considering that Guy Pearce's character, in a perfect synecdoche of the GOP itself, had worked his way backwards to get to the bottom of things?

So why shouldn't Gov. Palin be allowed to use her babe-a-licious bod to gently remind herself of crucial talking points next time she finds herself accidentally confronted by something more intellectually challenging than color-coordinating lipstick and shoes (such as the founding fathers, the Bush doctrine, shit the vice president does, etc).?

Personally, I derive no sense of security greater than imagining a President Palin sitting in the Oval Office at three in the morning with her cheat notes firmly emblazoned on her palm when a panicky president, premier or Prime Minister comes calling. There's nothing more embarrassing to a head of state than to be confused with one of his rivals (Russian President Medvedev reportedly is getting irked when other heads of state keep asking for "the other, creepier Nazi-looking guy"). There's also something comforting in the thought that President Palin could do the same with our nuclear launch codes (word has it they're quite lengthy and tend to be longer than an area code).

After all, Palin's own fan base is so oblivious to her other faults, who would notice if she lifted her leg above the news desk on Glenn Beck's show and haltingly uttered, "Tax cuts" or exposed her breasts a la Janet Jackson and read, "Tax cuts" or suddenly got up, pulled up her skirt and strained to read, "Tax cuts" off her Grand Old Posterior?

Hell, flashing her titties or mooning her base would be good for at least a few primary wins and straw poll victories, right?
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Blogger Nandini said...
Cut it OUT with the gendered insults.

Anonymous mandt said...

Blogger M. Bouffant said...
(Russian President Medvedev reportedly is getting irked when other heads of state keep asking for "the other, creepier Nazi-looking guy")


And I ain't votin' for her 'til she gets one of them webcams & shows me the goods!