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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

No. Just. No.
Posted by Jill | 5:33 AM
One of the problems with being a cynic is that you're all too often right.

In January I sat riveted in front of the Patriots/Broncos playoff game, rooting for Tom Brady and the Pats to pound Denver into the ground, just to end any idea of having to endure sportswriters insisting that it was God Himself who brought Tim Tebow this far into the postseason. I knew what I was doing was dangerous, because the gods don't like this sort of thing, and it can really come back to bite you. As a result, I approached the Super Bowl with much trepidation, certain that I would be punished for my New York sin of rooting for New England at all by a humiliating Giants defeat. When that didn't happen, I was able to exhale, certain that the gods had forgiven me, because strange pacts with the devil happen in sports fandom. Ask Joe Boyd. For that matter, ask any long-suffering Mets fan.

Perhaps the gods have just gotten their Manning signals crossed, confusing Eli and Peyton, because no sooner had the Broncos come to terms with Peyton Manning than the speculation and bloviation began that St. Timmy of the Wobbly Pass (™ Tbogg) might be coming to New York to breathe down newly-contract-extended Mark Sanchez' neck.

No sooner had this story broken when the sports press, always eager for a story no matter what the reality of what life for an ostentatious Bible-pounder (let alone the rest of us) would be among the left-wing Communist Jewish homosexual pornographers that populate the New York metropolitan area, started to simultaneously orgasm at the propsect of Jesus of the Rockies bringing The Knee to the heathen.

Matt Miselis of Bleacher Report does it by subtly implying that Mark Sanchez lacks the manliness of Christ on a Cracker -- implications that have followed the Broadway musical-loving Sanchez since he got here (despite the fact that Guy-Gods Trey Parker and Matt Stone not only love musicals, but wrote one):

Tebow, the most popular sports figure in the U.S., could ultimately win the minds and hearts of the New York Jets.

The Jets aren't saying that Tebow is an ultimate challenger to Sanchez at the quarterback position, but in reality, he will get the opportunity to do so.

He will impress the likes of Rex Ryan, who has an adoration for the hard work and passion that he brings to the game every week. He saw the dynamics of Tebow last season against his top-10 defense in the final two minutes of the game.

New offensive coordinator Tony Sparano could attempt to create Wildcat formations for Tebow. His role in John Fox's scheme led to a division title and a playoff win over the Pittsburgh Steelers—though it seems that defenses began finding ways to limit Tebow's explosiveness.

Yeah. Because Antonio Cromartie, who has already nade no secret of HIS view on the Spreading of the Word, is going to listen to a mediocre overly-hyped quarterback when he doesn't listen to the one he's got already. Who hires these writers?

Clark Judge at CBS Sprts has gone totally off his nut, insisting in his bizarro sportswriter universe that such a fish-out-of-water scenario makes sense:
The New York Jets reportedly are one of the teams inquiring into Tim Tebow, and it's about time. They should. In fact, they should take a long, hard look into trading for the Denver quarterback because ... well, because it makes too much sense not to.

I'm serious.

First of all, he's no threat to their starter. That would be Mark Sanchez, and I don't care what you think of him. I care what the Jets think of him, and they just made a long-term commitment to the guy. Yeah, so they flirted with the idea of adding Peyton Manning. It doesn't matter. This does: They extended Sanchez's contract by three years, guaranteeing him $20.5 million in 2012 and 2013.

That means someone believes in him, so Tebow wouldn't come in to push or challenge Sanchez. He would come in as a backup, and maybe that's a backup to the recently-signed Drew Stanton, too, I don't know. What I do know is that he could be perfectly suited for an assortment of packages designed by new offensive coordinator Tony Sparano.

Wait. So the Jets should get Tebow so Sparano can design plays just for a second- or third-string quarterback? Is that how it works? Where do they find these guys?

I mean, I'll admit that I can be a sucker for a Byronic sports hero who loves show tunes like any red-blood American female of any age who isn't dead, but even in a rational universe, Sanchez doesn't deserve to be jerked around twice in a week, first by having his team gaze lovingly at Peyton Manning, then bringing him roses and candy in the form of a contract extension, essentially telling him, "I'm really sorry, baby, this time it'll be different, you're the only one for me", and then almost immediately casting a loving gaze at Tebow.

Thank God for rational people like Daily News scribe Gary Myers, who actually understand the New York sports scene (even while getting his own dig in at Sanchez' alleged diva behavior):

No doubt Sanchez would set an NFL record for pouting when 80,000 Jets fans, clad in their new green No. 15 jerseys, begin chanting, “Tebow, Tebow, Tebow” after Sanchez throws his first interception of the season.

Sanchez needs some tough love from Ryan and needs to be to be pushed by a real NFL quarterback, but Tebow is a novelty act with limited quarterback skills. Sure, he led the Broncos to the postseason, and even won a playoff game last year with his unconventional quarterback style.

But that was a once-in-a-lifetime run.

Tebow is nothing more than a fullback. At best, he’s a Wildcat quarterback offensive coordinator Tony Sparano could work into his playbook. Still, bringing in Tebow is not worth all the collateral damage his presence would cause.

Damn right. Except for the part about the 80,000 Jets fans calling for Tebow the minute Sanchez throws an interception. Jets fans may be boorish, but while they may not love Sanchez, I'm not sure that turning MetLife Stadium into a tent meeting is going to work for them either.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
and it was made to h appen. dammit.