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Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Oh fer cryin out loud...
Posted by Jill | 9:07 PM
This is not from The Onion:

TSA warns of implant bombers, prepares fliers for swab tests

The latest threat to America's skies -- explosive surgical implants that authorities have dubbed "belly bombs" -- poses a security challenge so bizarre that air travelers learning of the new danger Wednesday could only scratch their heads and wonder what's next.

If those fliers had collagen injections or dental implants, what's next may mean having their heads examined. Literally.

The Transportation Security Administration advised airlines that terror groups are believed to be experimenting with explosives that could be implanted in buttocks and breasts, allowing suicide bombers to pass through airport body scanners undetected.


The TSA said it had no evidence of a specific plot, but intelligence sources indicated this new twist in bomb-proofing international air travel was likely the handiwork of Ibrahim Asiri, the al-Qaeda mastermind behind the Christmas Day attempt to bring down a Northwest Airlines plane by the so-called "underwear bomber."

Few Americans could have imagined when the first airport metal detectors were installed more than four decades ago that travelers would one day be expected to nearly disrobe before boarding their flights. The idea of implanting explosives in the same places plastic surgeons use to "enhance" many Americans does not strike Zoltan Prokay as far-fetched.

"If they do it properly, like a breast implant where the skin is stretched to accommodate the device, it could work," said Prokay, who spent two and a half years in Iraq working to detect improvised explosive devices as a member of a U.S. Special Forces team. He was flying out of San Jose as a pilot for a private airline, which he declined to identify, when word of the TSA advisory began to spread. "It could be set to go off at a certain altitude. If you get an altimeter implanted in your other breast though, maybe you would set off the metal detector."

Prokay sees it as a natural -- if horrifying -- progression from the Shoe Bomber and the Underwear Bomber. "This would be the Bosom Bomber," he said. "It's not funny. And yet it is kind of funny. The Bosom Bomber."

"If (terrorists) really want to attack, there is always a way," Renata Boudon, 47, said in French after arriving at San Francisco International for a two-week vacation in the western United States. "It doesn't scare me much." She and her two sons, 18-year-old Eric and 12-year-old Marc, live in Brazil and said they won't change anything about their travel habits because of the new information. "If it happens, it happens," she said. "There is nothing you can do."

Renata Boudon of France is a hell of a lot smarter than the idiots who populate this country, who will no doubt line up like sheep to have their breasts and buttocks grabbed by TSA agents in the name of national security.

It sure sounds like this is the TSA's way of justifying intrusive "pat-downs" that are often more like being groped by a creep on a crowded subway.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is a pack of lies from the TSA and you are spreading the shit. Ya, America is controled by a bunch of fat lying war pigs!

Blogger Jill said...
Uh...you don't read this blog regularly, do you, moron? Try clicking the tag "security theatre" and see what you get.

Anonymous Tata said...
Anonymous is unclear on the concept of ridicule.

Blogger Pangolin said...
Anybody who's ever had a lower GI exam knows that astonishingly large amount of fluid can be "retained" in the body.

All Al Quaida has to do to stop air traffic in the U.S. is send over a single person with a semtex suppository and a faulty detonator. TSA in it's eagerness to accept no possibility of error will insist upon anal probing every airline passenger thereafter.

The scary thing is; some people will simply accept this so they can get a flight to their Miami cruise or whatever. As a people, we're totally insane.

Blogger casey said...
Hello Jill,

TSA = Totally Stupid Assholes. Whatever psychotropic drugs they are taking isn't working. They are not imaginative enough. They need to protect us from the Martians of H. G. Wells, the Cylons frm Battlestar Galactica and the robots from Isaac Asimov. Once we are protected from them then we can look for other enemies that we need protecting from.

Anonymous Charlie O said...
Trying to blow up planes is so last decade. Why would any semi-intelligent terrorist try to board a plane with a bomb when there are so many perfectly good targets standing around the airport in line waiting to be molested on their way to their gate?

That would be my battle plan. Blow up the security line. The TSA approach to security would be laughable if it weren't sad. I fly as little as possible now. All thanks to the TSA and my adventures in dealing with them. I recently took a driving vacation because of them and I'm taking the train to New Orleans later this year.

Blogger The New York Crank said...
One comment here said: "TSA in it's eagerness to accept no possibility of error will insist upon anal probing every airline passenger thereafter. "

Nevermind the anal probe, dude. Every passengers is going to get an enema. And will have to void him/herself on a glass toilet while being watched by a TSA officer.

Oh yes, and just in case someone tries to slip a container of something behind your liver or pancreas, every tenth passenger will be dissected.

Bring your own morphine. No wait! If you bring morphine you'll be arrested.

Just grit your teeth and bear it.

Yours very crankily,
The New York Crank

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm waiting for the day of mandatory cavity searches....Keeping America safe by looking up your ass....