"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast"
-Oscar Wilde		 Brilliant at Breakfast title banner "The liberal soul shall be made fat, and he that watereth, shall be watered also himself."
-- Proverbs 11:25
"...you have a choice: be a fighting liberal or sit quietly. I know what I am, what are you?" -- Steve Gilliard, 1964 - 2007

"For straight up monster-stomping goodness, nothing makes smoke shoot out my ears like Brilliant@Breakfast" -- Tata

"...the best bleacher bum since Pete Axthelm" -- Randy K.

"I came here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum." -- "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (1954-2015), They Live
Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Top Ten Causes for Dick Cheney's Congestive Heart Failure
Posted by jurassicpork | 8:52 PM

Earlier this week, former Vice President Richard B. Cheney underwent major heart surgery. The ex VP suffers from an aggressive and progressive form of congestive heart failure. Besides fluid build-up, cardiologists discovered 10 other causes for Mr. Cheney's congestive condition. What were they?

  • 10) 4.1 ounces of pus, the result of an allergic reaction to having anything progressive within him.

  • 9) Infestation of the spirits of all the soldiers whose lives Cheney would've saved in Vietnam had he not used all five of his deferments.

  • 8) The semi-digested pinkie of an Iraqi orphan lodged in left ventricle.

  • 7) A stubbornly unfulfilled contract with Satan with loopholes circled by David Addington and signing statements by Cheney.

  • 6) The last fail-safe measure installed in 2002 by BP and Halliburton.

  • 5) A .41 caliber silver bullet fired at Cheney 130 years ago by Van Helsing.

  • 4) A calcified conscience.

  • 3) Pressure from a second, larger heart originally belonging to his vestigial twin, the Grinch.

  • 2) Splinters from a stake pounded into Cheney's chest ca 1890 by Dr. Harken.

  • 1) Congestive fluid actually emulsified, condensed, pure, soul-warping, 200 proof, weapons-grade evil.
    • 1 comments
    Bookmark and Share
    1 Comments:
    Anonymous mandt said...
    They say he lives now, without a heart pulse....So, new?
    7/15/10, 1:29 PM  
    Post a Comment
    << Home