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Wednesday, March 03, 2010

New Jersey Nets Offer Bizarre Promos

The New Jersey Nets have the NBA's worst record at 6-53 and, understandably, they're having a tough time filling the stands. In past seasons, they've had promos from giving away tickets to the unemployed, offering opposing players' jerseys and even free tax preparation. What other promotions have the Nets recently tried?

  • Rookie center Brook Lopez will play a game of H-O-R-S-E at your child's school on your signing a legal agreement that your child will not defeat him.

  • Mobster's and Parole Officer's Night.

  • Courtside ticket holders will get to be the starting point guard at their next game, a strategy accounting for all 6 of their wins.

  • A layup contest with the actual New Jersey Nets, pending a signed legal agreement not to defeat anyone on the team.

  • National Anthem sung by reunited cast of The Sopranos.

  • Free decontamination at the gate for ticket holders arriving from Ocean Point.

  • A promise to really, really try to win one for a change.

  • For games with 25% or greater turnout, New Jersey Nets will wear Washington Generals jerseys while being thoroughly humiliated by visiting team.

  • Concessions served by New Jersey natives Bruce Willis, Queen Latifah, Jon Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen.

  • Instead of jerseys fired into the stands from an air cannon, new season ticket holders given chance to fire real cannon at head coach Kiki Vandeweghe.
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    Blogger D. said...
    Worse than the Warriors?

    The End Times have come!