Shut the Fuck Up
. Everyone. Just. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. about Anthony Weiner's wiener.
And I'm not talking about Andrew "Not So" Breitbart. Breitbart's a verbose rectum on two legs and this is what he does as he acts like the abducted conscience of the Obama administration. And I'm not talking about the Republicans because this is what "the Party of Family Values" does as if they haven't had their own scandals.
This goes out to the spineless, dickless Democrats who could possibly learn a thing or two about party loyalty and unity from their friends and colleagues on the seedier side of the aisle. And this is going out to the mainstream media who just can't enough of WeinerGate. No doubt, Maureen Dowd of the ultra liberal New York Times
is clearing off a spot on her mantle for a second Pulitzer Prize.
Instead of addressing the still-important issue of where the jobs are, how we're going to balance the budget, bring down the price of gasoline that'll surely skyrocket again since OPEC fell apart today faster than French motorcycle and start asking serious questions about the existence of the "economic recovery" that began a full two years ago instead of addressing it as a matter of historical record...
...instead, we're being treated to Weiner's penis all the time. No Democrat penis has been paid this much attention to since the joyride of the Clenis 13 and a half years ago. It's like the Balloon Boy all over again only with a tent.
And unless the Republicans can go back in time and retroactively demand the immediate resignations of married whoremeisters David "Huggies" Vitter
and Duke Cunningham
and closeted, hypocritical and self-loathing gays such as Larry Craig
and Mark Foley
, as well as adulterous "family men" such as John "Promise But Not Marital Vow Keeper" Ensign
and Chris "Craigslist" Lee
and stupendously corrupt little trolls like convicted felon Tom DeLay
, they, too, can shut the fuck up.
OK, so Weiner's married and he'd sent a picture of his distended shorts to several women on Twitter. That was stupid. So he lied about it and said his Twitter account was hacked. That was stupider. And the stupidest thing of all was Weiner saying he didn't recognize his own cock (not only do we all know what it looks like since we see it several times a day but we measure them with micrometers and know the length to the last micromillimeter).
How does this have any bearing on his fitness to help lead this country as a legislator? How does this have any bearing on his voting record?
Rep. Allyson Schwartz, you, too, can shut the fuck up as well as Tim Kaine and all the other Democratic cowards who give away to charity the exact sums that they got from Weiner, thereby showing their own strict moral rectitude. Nancy Pelosi, you withered, hypocritical bitch, you, too, can shut the fuck up by demanding an investigation into WeinerGate when you yourself took impeachment of the Bush war criminals "off the table". If anyone in the House needs to be investigated, Madam Leader, it's you and your collusive relationship
with health care lobbyists.
If Ted Kennedy could survive Chappaquiddick for four decades and help pass a massive raft of progressive legislation, if he could get a second chance to make good (I'd say he did), then Anthony Weiner deserves a second chance, too.
Because I'd sure hate to see a Republican grab his seat simply by virtue that he never sent his penis-distended underwear to someone on Twitter.