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"I came here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum." -- "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (1954-2015), They Live
Sunday, January 16, 2011

Being a Baby Boomer Sucks

Today's my 52nd birthday and while I guess at this age I should be happy for any day I wake up, I'm also not very happy about it. Being a baby boomer suddenly isn't very fun, anymore, and here are some reasons why:

  • 10) I'm now getting, I shit you not, offers from the AARP and news alerts about hip replacement recalls. I suppose after today, I'll be getting brochures from Forest Lawn.

  • 9) My still-living friends are now vastly outnumbered by the celebrities I don't recognize.

  • 8) I find myself talking more and more about "the good old days" that I complained about while I was living through them.

  • 7) I still remember back when cars had points, credit cards were made of cardboard and you could actually grab a pack of cigarettes before buying them.

  • 6) Teenagers started calling me "sir" years ago and the only people who call me "young man" are nursing home residents.

  • 5) My health insurance, if I had it, would be almost eight times what my car insurance costs.

  • 4) Even kids and dogs think twice before jumping on me.

  • 3) Movies I've seen and books I've read are brand new again after more than a year.

  • 2) I still remember Ronald Reagan in Death Valley Days, sponsored by Borax.

  • 1) For the first time in my life, the President of the United States is younger than me.

  • So yeah, it sucks being a baby boomer. If you want to make my birthday a little happier, you know where the Paypal button is at Pottersville or you can buy a copy of my novel American Zen, which is still on sale for $2.99 on Kindle.

    But later today, Mrs. JP and I will go a local pub and hoist a couple while watching the Patriots annihilate the Jets in the first round of the playoffs. Go Pats!!!
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    Anonymous tata said...
    Happy birthday, jp.

    Anonymous kellyofsiam said...
    Happy Birthday youngster...I'm 66 & know what you are going through...cheer up, your mind will go soon enough and you won't remember anything....seeing as I am older than you I can look back in retrospect and tell you that the Jets will stomp on the Pats & Susannah York (whom I love) will die.

    Blogger Jill said...
    Happy belated, Jp...sorry about yesterday.(not really). Think of it this way...Sanchez befriends kids with cancer...Big Ben assaults women. I'd have rooted for Brady if it had turned out differently.

    Blogger konagod said...
    Happy Birthday!

    I suddenly feel a little better since I don't turn 51 until April, but still...when I type my age and see that first digit being a 5, I want to shit a brick!!

    And why I joined AARP right off the bat I'll NEVER understand. Now I get junk mail and junk emails DAILY to remind me that I'm "up there" with the blue haired ladies.

    Anonymous Charlie O said...
    Pats annihilate the Jets????!!!!. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Happy Birthday anyway. I'll be 52 later this year.

    Blogger Ema Nymton said...

    Oh what a wicked web we weave when at first we practice to deceive ...

    Don't buy into the nonsense. Life is way too much fun to be worrying about how many years you've lived.

    A man is as young as the woman he is feeling.

    Ema Nymton

    Anonymous Anonymous said...
    I carry a deep and abiding grudge against AARP for sending me invitations to join 22 years ago when I turned 50. 50 is the only birthday that ever bothered me and I felt like AARP was really rubbing it in. And, besides, who do they think retires at 50, anyway?

    Anonymous Anonymous said...
    I'll be 54 in March. I feel your pain, literally.