Maggie and Jenny heer wif an expert opinun on kat fud.
We know u hoomins hoo r gonna retire somedai r not goin 2 has enough mony to pai 4 ur own cheezburger so we decidd to halp u decide wut kat fud 2 eat.
R mom an dad always giv us gud kat fud wifout glooten and animul parts we doan knoe their namez so well talk about dem and also teh cheep stuff 2 4 when dey cut ur soshul security.1. Teh Cheep Stuff.
Dis stuff liek 9-Livez and Friskees and stuff liek dat. U noes, tree-4-a-dollur stuff. Dis crap has chkn by-products in it. It haz stuff liek ground up carcasez of ded, diseasd burdz, includez feet an beakz. Nao if i killd chkn or oder bird i wud eat dat but not ground up hoo knows wut. It also has wheat glootin an flower. Do i look liek bread eatr 2 u? Maybe wif cheezburger but not evry dai. Also soy proteen. We r seniur kittehs but kittehs doan has menopawz so we doan ned soy.2. Fancee Feest
Dis iz pritee gud fud, but it still haz dose "meat by-products" an weet glootin in it -- all except dis fish an shrimp feast. So mommy buys dis 4 us. Iz jennys favorite cuz it real fish an nothin else. Thar iz only wan shrimp in da can an Mommy always givez it 2 Jenny. When u haf 2 eat dis stuff, u will fight wif ur wife or huzbind bout hoo gets teh shrimp. Mah mommy iz allergic 2 shrimp so she an daddy woan fight bout dat.3. Mistah Noomin's fud
Dis fud made by mistah Noomin whose pichur iz on teh can. Hez ded nao so i doan noe how he iz still makin kat fud. Mommy sez he wuz in da moviez an vry handsum. Dis ar pritee gud fud. It turkee an chickn and sammin fish an brown rice which 4 humanz iz healthy but jenny doan liek rice an triez 2 pick out teh rice.4. Wellniss fud
Mommy sez dis ar teh best kat fud cuz it all meat an no rice or corn or nothin liek dat. I liek it lot -- dis an teh Instinct fud which iz all meat an comez in flavors liek rabbit liek teh bunnehs in da yard an venison which mommy sez iz der meat. I nevr seen der but daddy sez he seez them sometimez goin 2 werk. They say eatin der iz liek eatin Bambi but i doan knoe hoo dat iz. I wud eat dis fud all teh tiem but Jenny pukez it up so we doan has it mutch. Thaz y i swat her so mutch but den she chasez me into cornr an makez me skerd cuz shez tough an daddy sez shez built liek mack truck.5. Pet Guard fud
I finkz dis ar teh teh best fud ov all. Mommy gets dis at place she calls Fareway which i thot had somethin 2 do wif golf but she sez iz hooj fud store. I wud liek 2 go thar but they doan allow kittehs. Dis fud has lawts ov meat an barley not rice an Jenny doesnt pick out teh barley an doesnt puke so mommy likez 2 giv us dis fud lawts.
Well thaz r introducshun 2 kat fud 4 u hoomins hoo r gonna retire somedai an has no soshul security cuz teh gubmit let teh rich hoomins taek all teh money dat wuz put away 4 u an nao they say thars no money left. But u will liek teh kat fud. We liek it an so do lawts ov othr kittehs an millions ov kittehs cant be wrong.
Jus remembr wan ting: we eat furst cause if we doan we will meow nonstop til we eat all we wants.
Labels: I Am My Cats' Domestic Staff, Social Security, We Are So Screwed