"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast"
-Oscar Wilde		 Brilliant at Breakfast title banner "The liberal soul shall be made fat, and he that watereth, shall be watered also himself."
-- Proverbs 11:25
"...you have a choice: be a fighting liberal or sit quietly. I know what I am, what are you?" -- Steve Gilliard, 1964 - 2007

"For straight up monster-stomping goodness, nothing makes smoke shoot out my ears like Brilliant@Breakfast" -- Tata

"...the best bleacher bum since Pete Axthelm" -- Randy K.

"I came here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum." -- "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (1954-2015), They Live
Thursday, August 02, 2007

Mercy, Mercy Me
Posted by Tata | 10:10 AM
Oh Magoo, you've done it again.
Please, Bill O'Reilly, spare [The Daily and Yearly Koseaux] from your savage and inexplicable rage. We can't take any more of it. Being defended by Keith Olbermann... being roundly and sternly publicized by Stephen Colbert... it's all too much. The extra traffic, the publicity, the footage of your narcissistic tantrums... the subsequent exposure of hate speech and death threats on your pay-to-post blog. How can any liberal website withstand such a well-planned assault?

Please, Bill, I am personally begging you: stop your organized Fox News effort to promote us to wider and wider audiences. Between you and your Fox News compatriot Bill Kristol, we can't take it anymore. How are we supposed to compete with a man whose written punditry has led to the deaths of tens of thousands? How can we sustain ourselves when attacked by a talk show host well known for his fabrication of facts and stories? Our imaginary lesbian street gangs have been decimated already: what more havoc will Fox News wreak upon us in our hour of despair?

I have won twenty seven separate Peabody awards over the past three months - no perhaps it was fifty two, I lose count. It was getting so bad I had to melt them down into one big Peabody award. I made it really look like Peabody, too - Mr. Peabody, the cartoon character. I use it as a doorstop. But now I am feeling guilty. After receiving as many as five concerned emails from your dozens of adoring fans, I have come to a heartfelt conclusion - I must sell my cherished Peabody Peabody, and use the proceeds to help your fans buy themselves some lowercase letters. Seeing an entire class of individuals so cruelly afflicted, having to make do with uppercase letters and exclamation points when there is a whole world of glyphs and punctuations waiting nearly at their doorsteps, cold and trembling and nuanced - it is too much. I am not the kind of monster who can ignore such heartfelt, if badly spelled, pleas.

Sniff! Sniff! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
No, we thin wraiths of progressive punditry cannot hold against this onslaught. Please, please call off your cruel assault on us. Please do not mention us on your program anymore, sending waves and waves of progressives to see what the fuss is about. Please stop forcing Democratic lawmakers into expressions of support for our tiny little movement. Please stop obliging other, better news programs and fake news programs to report on your ongoing Jihad of Jackassery: these things have wounded us greatly.

First one out of the blocks with a crispy baguette joke wins!

H/t: the Rude Pundit, crossposted at Blanton's & Ashton's.

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