January 20, 2013
WASHINGTON, DC - President-elect Willard "Mitt" Romney took the oath of office of the Presidency of the United States today under a steel-gray sky. He was sworn in, seemingly heedless of the icy sleet falling around him by Chief Justice John Roberts, who, unlike four years ago, delivered his lines perfectly. Following an abbreviated inauguration ceremony, the Romney family, along with the family of Vice-President Rick Santorum, walked down Pennsylvania Avenue without umbrellas, waving at the sparse crowd that had gathered despite the freezing precipitation to wish the new President well. Like the inauguration of the last Republican President, George W. Bush, twelve years ago, the festivities were clouded by controversy over the new President's whisker-thin 47%-46%-7% victory over former President Barack Obama and Libertarian candidate Ron Paul, with many elderly and minority voters in Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Michigan and Florida claiming that they were thwarted from voting due to lack of clarity over voter ID laws, lack of working voting machines in their precincts, and machines that they say did not record their votes accurately.



January 21, 2013
WASHINGTON, DC = President Romney lived up to a campaign promise today when he signed five Executive Orders that had been at the forefront of his Presidential campaign.

The first was a repeal of the Affordable Care Act, former President Obama's signature achievement. "I promised to end Obamacare, and now I have," the President said. "Now the magic of the free market is unfettered to provide the best possible care to the best -- er, the most Americans."

Next, the President signed an order directing all Federal agencies to immediately suspend any regulations passed during the Obama Administration and ordered that future budgets contain zero increase in regulatory costs. "The American people are tired of their tax dollars being used to impose burdensome regulation on the businesses that employ them," he said.

The president's next order of business was to order the Department of the Interior to step up the pace of domestic energy drilling, even as Gulf Shore Boulevard residents in Naples, Florida demonstrated at the Naples Pier against drilling off the shores of their beachfront high-rises. "This is NOT what we voted for," one resident said.

The SEIU and AFL-CIO wasted no time in expressing outrage at the President's signing of his order to that reverses orders issued by his predecessor that he claimed tilted the balance of power in labor negotiations to unions. Upon signing the order, President Romney said "Every American should have a right to work in this country and not be fettered by union demands that they join, and the unreasonable demands that large unions have placed on businesses. From now on, individual initiative and merit will be the only thing that matters in American workplaces, not membership in a union." SEIU President Mary Kay Henry said, "Now Americans can see for themselves how this president is committed to nothing but the gutting of the middle class and of the great tradition of organized labor that created that middle class."

Mr. Romney then ordered the new Republican-led House and Senate to fast-track the rest of his economic plan, following which he said, "I made these promises to the American people, and now I have kept them." But absent from his signings today was a pledge to sanction China for practices he had called unfair during the campaign. When asked about this omission, the President said, "We will be looking carefully at China's practices, and if there are holes in our policy, we'll fix them."




February 24, 2013
WASHINGTON, DC - President Romney today signed into law five bills from his "Believe in America" plan, unveiled during his campaign. The legislation was fast-tracked through the House and Senate by newly-appointed Speaker of the House Eric Cantor and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. Collectively, the legislation, effective immediately, cuts the corporate income tax to 25%, implements free trade agreements with Colombia, Panama, and South Korea, orders an immediate survey of untapped U.S. energy reserves, eliminates federal job retraining programs and creates block grants for states to use as they wish, and perhaps most importantly, orders an immediate 5% reduction in non-security Federal spending. Following the signing, legislators returned to Capitol Hill, where they scrambled into the wee hours to protect their favorite programs.




April 23, 2013
TALLAHASSEE, FL - Governor Rick Scott today announced today a sweeping plan to retrain unemployed workers to work in the state's important agriculture industry, using the state's federal block grant for worker retraining to create an internship program that would put unemployed collee graduates to work picking tomatoes. "The Immokalee tomato workers work hard, and now those who have relied too much on government largesse will learn a new skill and provide much-needed labor to the farmers of the state of Florida, who have suffered too long from a lack of workers to pick their crops." Under the plan, the unemployed would earn the same wages as other workers, which are set by each farm owner following the dissolution last month of the Coalition of Immokalee workers.




May 14, 2013
GRUMBLE, IN - Jeremy Benjamin Walter, Jr., 5, died today at home. A crowd had kept a vigil outside the Walter home ever since the boy, whose family is uninsured, was turned away from Corporate Hospital after suffering a brain hemorrhage. "It's just not right," a weeping neighbor said. "It wasn't his fault his family couldn't pay." The boy's parents, Heather and Jeremy Walker, are both unemployed and are unable to obtain health insurance. Their son was covered under the CHIP program until Governor Mitch Daniels, emboldened by the new Republican rule in Washington, ended the program in February, stating at the time that the state could no longer afford to be in the health insurance business.




September 20, 2013
WASHINGTON, DC - Edith Hollan Jones was confirmed today to fill the vacant seat left on the Supreme Court when Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg retired earlier this year for health reasons. Jones is one of the most conservative judges in the country, and her name has been raised by presidents as a potential Justice since the administration of George W. Bush. Justice Jones, who was Chief Judge of the United States Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit, has high regard in conservative circles as one of the most conservative judges in the country. Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee had attempted to block the nomination, but with Republicans as the majority in the Senate, were unable to do so.




November 30, 2014
Krystee Lynn Smith, 28, of Beulah, Mississippi today became the first woman put to death under a new Federal law making abortion a capital crime. Smith was pronounced dead from the lethal injection at 12:46 AM.

Smith had claimed that the five-month fetus she was convicted of murdering was miscarried, but a neighbor, seeing beer bottles outside the Smith home one evening, convinced a jury that Ms. Smith's alcohol consumption contributed to the loss of her baby. Vice-President Rick Santorum spoke out after the execution, saying "Let this unfortunate incident show that we are serious about the sanctity of the unborn. There is no gift greater than that of new life, and we will do whatever is necessary to ensure that every unborn American is treated with the honor and sanctity he or she deserves."

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It might not make much difference who's in power, but it does make some.

Labels: America Gone Mad, nightmare scenarios