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Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Meet your 2012 Republican hopefuls
Posted by Jill | 6:23 AM
First, there's the Evita of the North, Sarah Palin, who's got herself all lawyered up because of the myriad of ethics complaints against her. She's too good to accept stimulus money that might help people in her state, but not too good to put in for per diem payments because she wants to work from her home.

Then there's the Louisiana Lunatic, Bobby Jindal the exorcist, who just might have aroused the ire of Evita of the North by pooh-poohing volcano monitoring -- right before a volcano in her state began erupting.

Then there's Newt Gingrich, who seems to have forgotten that for the Christofascist Zombie Brigade to whom he hopes to appeal, faith is all about believing a story someone tells you without question, and you can cheat on your wife, kill people, rape children in the choirloft, and all you have to do is believe that some poor Jewish carpenter in Galilee absorbed all your sins in perpetuity and you get a free pass to heaven. Instead, he's decided to convert to Catholicism, where those pesky two first marriages can just conveniently go away and he can be forgiven all the lousy rat-bastard things he's done.

And then there's the last but not least of the Republican horsemen of the Apocalypse, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, who says that taking money for education in his state is tantamount to child abuse:
Since we don’t have any of this money that’s now being dispensed from Washington, DC; since we’re going out and printing money and we’re issuing debt to solve a problem that was created by too much debt; since that’s taking place, and since those costs will be borne by the next generation, in fact it is sort of fiscal child abuse to do what we’re doing.

Because all the money that the Bush Administration squandered in Iraq builds character, whereas actually doing something to help kids cope in a changed world is child abuse. I suspect it has more to do with that pesky Mr. Darwin than anything else.

And these, my friends, are the shining lights of your millennial Republican Party.

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