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-Oscar Wilde		 Brilliant at Breakfast title banner "The liberal soul shall be made fat, and he that watereth, shall be watered also himself."
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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Worst. Recipe. Ever.
Posted by Jill | 2:05 PM

I have to admit, I'm a pretty decent cook. Yes, sure, I make use of some shortcuts, like bottled Lawry's marinades, and frozen vegetables from Trader Joe's (which are much better than the same thing from a supermarket). I make an award-winning chili in which the secret ingredients are Italian sausage and a half-bottle of barbecue sauce. I use chicken broth from a can. But rarely, if ever, have I made something completely inedible.

Even Mr. Brilliant has been known to be creative with preprocessed food products, having invented a nicely stick-to-your-ribs dish out of no-longer-available Chili Magic beans, ground beef, and radiatore pasta; and a lovely veggie pizza that's more like an eggless frittata with a crust than a pizza. It has a layer of sauce on a real pizza crust from Trader Joe's, then a layer of Light Life veggie pepperoni. Then a sprinkling of mozzarella. Then a layer of sauteed onions and muchrooms. Then another sprinkling of mozzarella. Then a layer of sliced grilled vegetable of your choice, something like eggplant or zucchini. Then another sprinkling of cheese. Then a layer of chopped broccoli and/or grated carrots, then more cheese. Then top off with a mandala of sauteed bell pepper strips and more cheese. Bake on a pizza stone for about 20 minutes or till crust is brown.

It might not be a pizza, but it's sure as hell a lot better than this:

Veggie Pizza d'Amber Pawlik:

INGREDIENTS
2 cans of Crescent Rolls
2 8 oz packages softened cream cheese
1 cup Miracle Whip
1 Package of Ranch Dressing Mix (Dry)
2 cups fresh broccoli, cauliflower and carrots
4 oz. Sharp Cheddar Cheese

The first thing you are going to want to do is let the cream cheese soften. I recommend cutting it into little squares to let it soften quicker. Then you are going to roll the crescent dough out onto a 15 X 9 (roughly) cookie sheet. Bake the dough at 375 F for 10 minutes. YOU MUST LET THIS COOL BEFORE PUTTING ANYTHING ON TOP OF IT. Let it cool for at least 1/2 hour.

You can chop up veggies while waiting for it to cool and make the cream cheese center. For the center, mix the cream cheese and the miracle whip. You can use mayo, but miracle whip is better for this recipe as you want more of a taste.

Mix it with a blender until it is very creamy and there are no lumps. Then add in the dressing mix to the cream cheese mix. Spread the cream cheese mix over the cooled crescent roll bottom. I recommend putting it in dollups over the dough, so you can spread it around easier. Try not to touch the crescent bottom as you are spreading it. The reason why the crescent bottom has to be very cool is because otherwise it will start to lift up as you are spreading the cream cheese.

Make sure to get all spots where the crescent shows. After this is done, sprinkle the chopped up veggies on top. Then sprinkle cheddar cheese. [note: Eeyaagh!!] Don't try cutting it until you have let it cool in the refrigerator for at least an hour. Before putting it in the refrigerator though, run a knife over the outside of the pizza, so it is easier to get out later. If you try cutting it into slices before it is cool, the veggies and cheese will run along the knife with you.


Can you imagine? Miracle Whip, powdered ranch dressing, cream cheese, and Pillsbury crescent roll dough masquerading as pizza crust in one recipe? And it's served, =tokke=, COLD? Sheesh, why not just toss some of that yellow powder that comes with Kraft Mac and Cheese on top, while you're at it?

I'm with Gilliard on this one. When I see recipes like this, I understand who Bush voters are.

And I'm someone who still likes Velveeta.
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1 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shut up liberal.
5/12/09, 5:48 PM  
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