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Saturday, March 24, 2012

Top Ten Reasons Why Dick Cheney Got a Heart Transplant
Posted by jurassicpork | 9:37 PM

Former Vice President Richard B. Cheney recently got a heart transplant and is currently recovering comfortably. Mr. Cheney had over the years suffered many heart problems and had undergone several surgeries, sometimes having devices implanted. But there were several other reasons why Vice President Cheney got a heart transplant. What were they?

  • 10) Cheney's cardiologists realized his old heart was actually a transponder being tracked by the Devil.

  • 9) Cheney's old heart was so bad it beat to the tune of "The Mephisto Waltz."

  • 8) Old heart atrophied from underuse.

  • 7) After first attempt six years ago to harvest his heart, Cheney got tired of waiting for Harry Wittington to die before him.

  • 6) Doctors agreed the plan B heart transplant would be more timely than the plan A of a soul transplant.

  • 5) Superior vena cava too clogged with karmic backlog.

  • 4) Doctors discovered Cheney's moral belief system turned last device into a sump pump.

  • 3) Cheney's old heart never recovered from being pierced in 1963 by Cupid, making him fall in love with money and unbridled power.

  • 2) Science finally able to build electron microscope powerful enough to zero in on old heart.

  • 1) Law of averages dictated a compatible heart transplant donor would be found after all the people that had died over the years because of Cheney.
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    3 Comments:
    Blogger Cthulhu said...
    11. Grinch didn't need his old, dried up heart anymore.
    3/25/12, 11:42 AM  
    Anonymous Sherry Peyton said...
    wickedly good. :O
    3/25/12, 5:05 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...
    13. The car battery he'd been running on since 1989 died and Sears was closed.
    3/26/12, 9:12 AM  
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