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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Bush Says Faith Helped Him Beat Drinking, Iraq

Baltimore --- President George W. Bush is never one much for introspection. Yet, as his second term winds down, the President has been unusually open about his personal experiences and impressions in the last two days. Today, at the Jericho Program, the president admitted that faith played a significant role that enabled him to beat drinking and Saddam Hussein.

"My Christian Methodist faith enabled me to stop seeking answers at the bottom of a bottle. So instead of being addicted to alcohol, the Lord addicted me to changing the world and the Middle East, starting with Iraq."

The President, speaking only to one reporter and two pre-screened participants in the Jericho outreach program, elaborated with a wicked grin.

"There was this one time in New Orleans, heh heh, I may have mentioned this at the airport right after Hurricane Katrina..." the chief executive started before White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten dragged his index finger across his neck.

"Oh, right. Anyways, first is to recognize that there is a higher power," Bush said. "It helped me in my life. It helped me quit drinking."

"That's right, there is a higher power," one of the outreach men said.

"Step One, right?" Bush said, referring to the Alcoholics Anonymous twelve-steps program.

"Actually, it's Step Two, Mr. President", said the man just before he was hustled out of the building by seven Secret Service agents.

"Well, it's the first step, now, 'cuz it's the most important one. There's a step where you gotta apologize to everyone for making a dick of yourself but I was never too good at that, heh heh..."
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